Realistic Limits Have No Place in Writing

I often overextend myself, assuming that I can take on more work when I'm already booked. And I do. I just avoid sleep and do it. There are times, as I learned this week, when you have to accept that there are times when you have to take a little time off.

Earlier this week I had surgery to remove my last baby tooth. Yes, I'm sure. Every time I mention my baby tooth people ask me if I'm sure. YES. My surgeon said it isn't that rare. He may be trying to make me feel like less of a freak, but he did say it.

The thing with a baby tooth in your 30s is that they can cause a lot of problems. I opted not to have general anesthesia because that was a lot more expensive and because I didn't want to be out of it for days like you are when you have it. So, I had pills that would put me into a "relaxed state." I assumed that they would wear off later in the day and I would be able to work that evening. Why not? Surgery, a little rest, then back to work. Sounded reasonable.

However, the "relaxed state" actually turned out to be a "hallucinogenic state" that caused me to have to be wheeled out, waving good-bye to a lamp (seriously) and telling the doctor that he was "not threatening."

After on and off sleep that didn't seem like it went on that long, I got up to get back to work, horrified to find out that it wasn't Monday anymore. Tuesday! I missed out on work! Imagine my surprise a few minutes later when I discovered that it wasn't Tuesday after all. It was Wednesday.

Moral: There are times when you just have to take time off. Like when you have surgery, it really is ok to take a couple of days off. I should have cleared my schedule and informed clients or done this week's work early and actually planned for some down time. Who knew?

I'm a Mac, Apparently

Ok, so after being sick for two weeks, and yes, I think it was the swine flu even though I had assumed that my body would have rejected something that trendy, we decided to use our tax refund to get me a decent laptop. I think I literally glow in the dark from a lack of sunlight at this point, and laptops are far less expensive now that I had remembered. They are actually so inexpensive that we got two.

One is a MacBook and the other is an HP Mini. The plan was for me to try one computer one day and the other computer the second day and then to decide which one I liked best and to claim it. So, the first day I tried the Mac. It was weird and confusing and the mouse made me so mad I actually threw it once. I still wasn't sure about it when I tried the HP the next day. That thing is about $200 and runs pretty much exactly like my HP desktop. It's got the same speed and the same amount of freezing, but it will run Firefox and it has a mouse with two buttons, so I figured that it was probably the way to go. So, the next day I used the HP and it started dawning on me- the Mac never once froze up when I tried it. I never had to wait minutes for something to load and I never felt like smashing it as I often do with my desktop and the HP Mini.

I tried the Mac again and actually figured out how to use what they call a mouse and how to navigate Safari, the Mac browser. It's actually an extremely good computer for a reasonable price. It doesn't freeze, it doesn't take forever to load anything, and it doesn't slow down over time. I had to reboot my desktop at least once a day to keep it running at a decent speed, and I never never once had to reboot my Mac to make it run better or faster. I don't have to worry about the virus software getting in the way of my stuff because there isn't any. Viruses aren't a big threat with Macs, apparently.

I always thought Mac people were pretentious and/or hipster gadget lovers, but, um, I'm afraid I may be a Mac person now. I've only had the thing for a week and I really have no wish to use anything else ever again. So here's my question- why haven't we been told how much better these suckers are? Why aren't Mac people proclaiming this stuff in the streets? With something like this on the market, PCs should have been edged out of the market years ago. Nice going, keeping it all to yourselves, Mac people. You can only keep your secret so long before the world finds out. Be afraid.

Uh Oh

I've been horribly sick for about four or five days now. I've been in bed most of the time, coming out briefly here and there to stay on top of projects and write an article or two when I can. I figured this was another sinus infection, I get them from time to time, but it's just gotten worse and worse with no signs of getting better. It just occurred to me this afternoon that, um, I think this might actually be swine flu.

I haven't gone to a doctor because they've evil, so I'm not sure if I have to do anything. I know the CDC is tracking swine flu, and I seem to have all of the symptoms as mentioned on a site that won't hire me. If I get tested for it, are they going to put me in a tent and bring in the guys in chemical suits to spray our house? I'm picturing the scene from E.T. now. I think I'll just skip it.

In other uh oh news, I have two clients who are pretty late with payments right now. One is a large company that should know better, and they're giving me runaround. When you hire people as independent contractors, you have to understand that they depend on the money they are making. They are self-employed people who need payments coming in on time in order to keep going. No company should shrug off when a check is coming, and no contractor should have to inquire about why their check never came. Any company that makes you jump through hoops to get paid should be struck down with the swine flu. And I have the means, baby. I have the means.

Elance Still Trying to Drive Me Insane

I haven't had to use Elance that much over the past year, but lately work has been drying up all over. I went back to Elance last month to start bidding on freelance jobs. I thought it would be an easy way to drum up some new work. WRONG. They are again trying to creating the most complicated site every known to man.

If you've never used Elance, you can probably imagine how it should work. You should be able to bid on jobs and then you should have an account area where you can see what you've bid on and what jobs you've landed. WRONG.

Bidding on jobs is easy. Finding them again afterward in your account, however, has been made difficult to the point of ridiculousness. There are so many statistics, workspaces, pages of portfolio options and other crap that it's impossible to actually find anything. I was actually in tears once trying to find a project that I was supposed to be working on but couldn't find.

Elance has also started some type of Sunday report crap that they never really explained. I keep getting emails about sending Sunday reports for projects that have been over for weeks. In addition, they put up a bunch of tests that they encourage you to take to show off your skills. I thought that did sounds like a better idea than just self evaluation. WRONG.

I started the grammar test, getting partway through before I realized that it never said whether this was for MLA, AP, APA or any other style. The questions were ones that you would expect in a high school English class, not from anyone working in any professional capacity. The questions were extremely style specific, so I thought I could just get the answer from the site. WRONG. I emailed, asking which style the test was for. No response. Follow up email. No response. Screw it.

As much as Elance bothers me and is increasingly treating its users like kids, I simply was not prepared for the email that came today. Here's just one quote from this masterpiece: "Elance is introducing a new way to display your activity in a section called "My Stats" (short for My Statistics)." I do have to thank them for clarifying that, though. I would have been up all night running Google searches trying to figure out what "stats" meant.

Now, because the site just isn't crushingly complicated enough, with rankings and ratings and placement based on about 10 factors, they are now starting a points system that will affect your placement in their search as well as your credit rating, your medical history and whether or not you get laid. I am assuming. The points are based on feedback, getting repeat work, earnings and other stuff that already affected your placement.

So, why all of this? Because they have too damn much money and no real reason to spend any of it. I have an idea. I need patio furniture. Bad. If Elance will pay for my patio furniture, I will plaster it with the Elance logo and give myself a point every time I sit on it. Then, I can test myself as to how long I sit and report back with pages of statistics about it. I will rank where I get to sit on it based on my points. Then I will create pages and pages of information about what it is used for and submit a detailed report every Sunday about its use. I am seriously thinking of submitting this idea to them. I don't expect a response.

Holy Crap

So, last night the big threat of the swine flu was that there was a big outbreak in Mexico and people are warned not to go there right now. Check. I wasn't going there anyway. Then a few minutes ago I got a call to tell me that all of the schools in the area are being shut down until next week because two kids that go to a school five minutes from my house both have swine flu. Seriously. So, we're pretty much going to die. Or take Tamiflu. Either way, I can see that I'm going to get much less writing done this week than I had planned. Thanks, pigs!

UPDATE: Ahhhhhhhh! I'm getting emails, phone calls and Gmail Chat pings about the swine flu. Thank God I don't have Skype. Schools, daycares and businesses that cater to kids are shut down and now other businesses are closing. My brother has to work from home tomorrow because his whole office is closed. Local museums and other things are announcing closings until at least next week. People are freaking out and sending me press releases about hand washing(?) and articles about face masks.

I'm pretty much thinking pandemic barbecue- let's all get together and roast the bastards that started all this.

Blogs and Blogs and Blogs

So, I was a blogger for Today dot com for awhile. They eventually let me have two blogs and were paying pretty well for the posts. After awhile they started lowering the price for each post. Then it happened again. And again. After awhile, they stopped paying for them altogether and went to a pay-per-pageview model, though they never bothered to email me to tell me. I had to email them and ask why I wasn't being paid.

Since that time, I have heard from at least 30 or 40 other people that this has happened to. And like many of them, I am not being paid for the posts I made after the cut-off time, even though they didn't notify me about it ahead of time, because I didn't make their minimum payment amount during that time. The minimum payment is very high- far higher than on any other site I have ever written for, and I can't legally prove that the site knows that its bloggers will likely not reach it on the current payment schedule. No! They probably have no idea at all and would be shocked if this were called to their attention.

Ninety percent of what I do is ghostwriting. Most of the stuff that I put up under my own name was started so that I can show clients- "Hey, see that? I wrote that stuff and I can write your stuff too." I don't worry about rights that much because ghostwritten stuff is sold for full rights, and I don't call attention to it or anything because that's just rude. I hate it when ghostwriters do that- I see some who actually link on their sites to stuff they've ghostwritten, and I'm thinking, does your client know you do this? Maybe they want people to think they wrote it. Maybe that's why they bought it!

Anyway, the question of rights has really struck me now because the rights to that entire blog are gone. And, it's under my name. I can't keep building on what was there and expect anything in return, and they can do whatever they want to it like put bacon on it or unicorns. I'm seriously considering starting another Blogger blog on that topic just because I can. That way I could keep adding to it and create an impressive body of information on the subject, or, you know, a big ole wad 'o posts, that might actually bring in something. But I already have blogs that are neglected, and I lost the password to one that I love, so I'm not sure what will happen there. Taking on a new blog is like taking on a new puppy- be sure you know how much time it will take and how much whining will be involved.

If you are thinking about blogging for Today, I can't prove that the owner is a jerk. That's simply my opinion. I can't prove that he has been nasty to his bloggers in his own forum, since "nasty" is subjective. I don't whatsoever think that people should avoid the site like the plague until they treat writers like real humans. Writers are filth and should be treated as such. I've heard that the owner eats kittens, also, but I don't believe that whatsoever.

WUI

The insecurity that comes with writing, well, that I sometimes get anyway, has a few cures. Unfortunately, the only one that I know of is alcohol. I have noticed over time that when I've had a few I actually write pretty well. I have fewer stilted sentences and the whole thing flows pretty well. Too much of course, and you forget about what you're doing and wander off to see what's in the freezer. Cake! But just one or two and suddenly the fear of shredding a sentence is gone and you don't develop that stiffness that can sometimes occur with too much thought put into exactly where every word is going to go.

There has been the odd time, however, when too many did indeed occur and I wrote something that ended up strange and yet not as strange as you might think. I literally don't remember writing this. That's a weird feeling. You log into your Blogger account and think WTF? Have I been hacked? By someone who loves Shelley? Probably not.

Luckily, having a few too many only occurs during those rare recreational times and not when I have client work to do. I do love creating weird essays and Hubs for my own amusement, though, during those occasions. I think they're actually a lot closer to the type of writing that I'd eventually like to do. Don't we all get into this because we eventually want to write fiction? That seems to get further and further away as time passes.