Safety When Using Wireless Internet

Whenever we go out of town I have to drag a laptop to do work, so having a secure connection is extremely important to me. Every time I have gone out of town I have people telling me different things about how to connect safely. All of the men in my extended family are either programmers or scientists, so I have access to a lot of information that I usually ignore.

I have been told by them before that plugging a laptop into the wall at a hotel or condo rental is a safe Internet connection. I have also been told that it's incredibly unsafe and that you might as well set your computer on fire. I've been told that tapping into a hotel's wireless connection is perfectly safe and also that it's the most foolhardy thing a human can ever do.

This time I made it clear that I wanted the most secure connection possible. With two weeks in the rental, I needed to do everything that I do at home, minus making fun of the redneck neighbors. I got the programmers together and got them to tell me what is safer. One answer. No double speak. No programming terminology. Just. Tell. Me. What. To. Do.

The answer is apparently to get your own wireless router and to use your own secure connection for your Internet forays. A wireless router is about 40 bucks and can be bought at Wal-mart, Target, etc. It's easy to set up, too. Here's how to set it up for the most secure connection when you're out of town:

Get a relative to set up your router for you. Read some Anne Rice while he sets it up. Ask him periodically if it's set up yet. Once it's set up, use the computer. And that's how you can set up your own connection and stay safe while on vacation. At least, that's how I did it.

Ouch

I returned a few days ago from two weeks spent beachside. Unfortunately, I had to work pretty much every day of the trip. The photo is the Mighty Mac in my makeshift office during the trip. What other profession allows you to take off elsewhere for two weeks and work just as well wherever you go? A few highlights:

I may or may not have told Rush Limbaugh to get his car "the hell out of the way." Spouse insists that it was him, I think it was probably someone who looked a lot like him, sounded like him and happened to drive a car with large "Impeach Obama" signs in all of the windows. It could happen.

I decided to try to take two days off near the end of the trip. I went down to the beach with the intention of getting some sun on my so-pale-as-to-be-see-through legs. After two hours I was burned so severely that one person in our group actually wanted me to go to the hospital. I was unable to walk during those two days and so went back to working. And that's what going outside gets you.

While everyone else was stung by at least one jellyfish, none of them would sting me even when I yelled jellyfish challenges toward the water. Cowards.

While I was gone I took on a new client and was accepted by Examiner for a national topic. I have no idea how it will pan put because it's a rev share site. I know of several people that do very well there and I know of some that do pretty poorly. I chose a national position because I am hoping that it will generate more traffic than a local one. I thought I had enough rev share sites going, but I'd like to increase that income to allow me more time off. Maybe eventually I can get outside enough so that I don't burn every time it happens.

Realistic Limits Have No Place in Writing

I often overextend myself, assuming that I can take on more work when I'm already booked. And I do. I just avoid sleep and do it. There are times, as I learned this week, when you have to accept that there are times when you have to take a little time off.

Earlier this week I had surgery to remove my last baby tooth. Yes, I'm sure. Every time I mention my baby tooth people ask me if I'm sure. YES. My surgeon said it isn't that rare. He may be trying to make me feel like less of a freak, but he did say it.

The thing with a baby tooth in your 30s is that they can cause a lot of problems. I opted not to have general anesthesia because that was a lot more expensive and because I didn't want to be out of it for days like you are when you have it. So, I had pills that would put me into a "relaxed state." I assumed that they would wear off later in the day and I would be able to work that evening. Why not? Surgery, a little rest, then back to work. Sounded reasonable.

However, the "relaxed state" actually turned out to be a "hallucinogenic state" that caused me to have to be wheeled out, waving good-bye to a lamp (seriously) and telling the doctor that he was "not threatening."

After on and off sleep that didn't seem like it went on that long, I got up to get back to work, horrified to find out that it wasn't Monday anymore. Tuesday! I missed out on work! Imagine my surprise a few minutes later when I discovered that it wasn't Tuesday after all. It was Wednesday.

Moral: There are times when you just have to take time off. Like when you have surgery, it really is ok to take a couple of days off. I should have cleared my schedule and informed clients or done this week's work early and actually planned for some down time. Who knew?

I'm a Mac, Apparently

Ok, so after being sick for two weeks, and yes, I think it was the swine flu even though I had assumed that my body would have rejected something that trendy, we decided to use our tax refund to get me a decent laptop. I think I literally glow in the dark from a lack of sunlight at this point, and laptops are far less expensive now that I had remembered. They are actually so inexpensive that we got two.

One is a MacBook and the other is an HP Mini. The plan was for me to try one computer one day and the other computer the second day and then to decide which one I liked best and to claim it. So, the first day I tried the Mac. It was weird and confusing and the mouse made me so mad I actually threw it once. I still wasn't sure about it when I tried the HP the next day. That thing is about $200 and runs pretty much exactly like my HP desktop. It's got the same speed and the same amount of freezing, but it will run Firefox and it has a mouse with two buttons, so I figured that it was probably the way to go. So, the next day I used the HP and it started dawning on me- the Mac never once froze up when I tried it. I never had to wait minutes for something to load and I never felt like smashing it as I often do with my desktop and the HP Mini.

I tried the Mac again and actually figured out how to use what they call a mouse and how to navigate Safari, the Mac browser. It's actually an extremely good computer for a reasonable price. It doesn't freeze, it doesn't take forever to load anything, and it doesn't slow down over time. I had to reboot my desktop at least once a day to keep it running at a decent speed, and I never never once had to reboot my Mac to make it run better or faster. I don't have to worry about the virus software getting in the way of my stuff because there isn't any. Viruses aren't a big threat with Macs, apparently.

I always thought Mac people were pretentious and/or hipster gadget lovers, but, um, I'm afraid I may be a Mac person now. I've only had the thing for a week and I really have no wish to use anything else ever again. So here's my question- why haven't we been told how much better these suckers are? Why aren't Mac people proclaiming this stuff in the streets? With something like this on the market, PCs should have been edged out of the market years ago. Nice going, keeping it all to yourselves, Mac people. You can only keep your secret so long before the world finds out. Be afraid.

Uh Oh

I've been horribly sick for about four or five days now. I've been in bed most of the time, coming out briefly here and there to stay on top of projects and write an article or two when I can. I figured this was another sinus infection, I get them from time to time, but it's just gotten worse and worse with no signs of getting better. It just occurred to me this afternoon that, um, I think this might actually be swine flu.

I haven't gone to a doctor because they've evil, so I'm not sure if I have to do anything. I know the CDC is tracking swine flu, and I seem to have all of the symptoms as mentioned on a site that won't hire me. If I get tested for it, are they going to put me in a tent and bring in the guys in chemical suits to spray our house? I'm picturing the scene from E.T. now. I think I'll just skip it.

In other uh oh news, I have two clients who are pretty late with payments right now. One is a large company that should know better, and they're giving me runaround. When you hire people as independent contractors, you have to understand that they depend on the money they are making. They are self-employed people who need payments coming in on time in order to keep going. No company should shrug off when a check is coming, and no contractor should have to inquire about why their check never came. Any company that makes you jump through hoops to get paid should be struck down with the swine flu. And I have the means, baby. I have the means.

Elance Still Trying to Drive Me Insane

I haven't had to use Elance that much over the past year, but lately work has been drying up all over. I went back to Elance last month to start bidding on freelance jobs. I thought it would be an easy way to drum up some new work. WRONG. They are again trying to creating the most complicated site every known to man.

If you've never used Elance, you can probably imagine how it should work. You should be able to bid on jobs and then you should have an account area where you can see what you've bid on and what jobs you've landed. WRONG.

Bidding on jobs is easy. Finding them again afterward in your account, however, has been made difficult to the point of ridiculousness. There are so many statistics, workspaces, pages of portfolio options and other crap that it's impossible to actually find anything. I was actually in tears once trying to find a project that I was supposed to be working on but couldn't find.

Elance has also started some type of Sunday report crap that they never really explained. I keep getting emails about sending Sunday reports for projects that have been over for weeks. In addition, they put up a bunch of tests that they encourage you to take to show off your skills. I thought that did sounds like a better idea than just self evaluation. WRONG.

I started the grammar test, getting partway through before I realized that it never said whether this was for MLA, AP, APA or any other style. The questions were ones that you would expect in a high school English class, not from anyone working in any professional capacity. The questions were extremely style specific, so I thought I could just get the answer from the site. WRONG. I emailed, asking which style the test was for. No response. Follow up email. No response. Screw it.

As much as Elance bothers me and is increasingly treating its users like kids, I simply was not prepared for the email that came today. Here's just one quote from this masterpiece: "Elance is introducing a new way to display your activity in a section called "My Stats" (short for My Statistics)." I do have to thank them for clarifying that, though. I would have been up all night running Google searches trying to figure out what "stats" meant.

Now, because the site just isn't crushingly complicated enough, with rankings and ratings and placement based on about 10 factors, they are now starting a points system that will affect your placement in their search as well as your credit rating, your medical history and whether or not you get laid. I am assuming. The points are based on feedback, getting repeat work, earnings and other stuff that already affected your placement.

So, why all of this? Because they have too damn much money and no real reason to spend any of it. I have an idea. I need patio furniture. Bad. If Elance will pay for my patio furniture, I will plaster it with the Elance logo and give myself a point every time I sit on it. Then, I can test myself as to how long I sit and report back with pages of statistics about it. I will rank where I get to sit on it based on my points. Then I will create pages and pages of information about what it is used for and submit a detailed report every Sunday about its use. I am seriously thinking of submitting this idea to them. I don't expect a response.

Holy Crap

So, last night the big threat of the swine flu was that there was a big outbreak in Mexico and people are warned not to go there right now. Check. I wasn't going there anyway. Then a few minutes ago I got a call to tell me that all of the schools in the area are being shut down until next week because two kids that go to a school five minutes from my house both have swine flu. Seriously. So, we're pretty much going to die. Or take Tamiflu. Either way, I can see that I'm going to get much less writing done this week than I had planned. Thanks, pigs!

UPDATE: Ahhhhhhhh! I'm getting emails, phone calls and Gmail Chat pings about the swine flu. Thank God I don't have Skype. Schools, daycares and businesses that cater to kids are shut down and now other businesses are closing. My brother has to work from home tomorrow because his whole office is closed. Local museums and other things are announcing closings until at least next week. People are freaking out and sending me press releases about hand washing(?) and articles about face masks.

I'm pretty much thinking pandemic barbecue- let's all get together and roast the bastards that started all this.