Aaaarrg, It Be Talk Like a Pirate Day

If ye aren't knowin' about Talk Like a Pirate Day, ye be a scurvy dog. Ye need some vitamin C. I be talkin' like a pirate most of the time anyway, so this day be just like any other. Business meetings with this bilge rat never be boring!

A few updates since last I wrote:

Me crazy workload be driving me to walk the plank.
I may have been exposed to TB, so that be pretty piratey.
I got a pen stuck in my hair while bein' right the middle of a business meeting- no one dared laugh at the fearsome pirate with the bad hair.

If ye aren't already, I encourage ye to start talkin' like a pirate. The wench behind the counter who "doesn't know" if they have flu shots and "can find out in a few hours" be far less annoyin' if ye can tell her that someone should keel haul the lot of them. I be havin' a long list of wenches and scurvy dogs who be needin' to walk the plank.

Here be a joke:

A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender asks him, " Did you know you have a paper towel on your head?"

The pirate said, "Aaarg, 'tis true...I got a Bounty on me head."

Decisions, Decisions

I'm embroiled right now in a massive PR project that is pretty much consuming my every waking thought. We went out for ice cream last night and I blurted out "machine parts" for no reason when we got there. Seriously. I've had a few projects like this, like Giant Soul-Crushing Project from a year or two ago. But unlike GSCP, this one is a challenge that doesn't feeling crushing.

For the past several months I've been hesitant to take on anymore online PR because a lot of the call for online PR is from small companies who really don't know what PR is. They think it's just a little copywriting, and that's all they want to pay for. I'm just tired of seeing people who want to pay $30 for a press release and have no idea how much they are cheating themselves. A well-crafted PR campaign takes a lot of time and research, and I'm fortunate enough to be working with a company right now that understands that.

I'm actually considering changing my focus from Web content, small local PR projects and random press releases for online clients to larger PR projects for companies who actually know what they want. It's challenging, but it's far less annoying and stressful than high-volume content writing. To do that means actually trying to sell myself, though. That always makes me feel uncomfortable. That's the big choice that I have to make- feel gross and uncomfortable in order to make a needed change, or stay on this course. I'm not so sure yet.

Create Your Own Pen Names

If you're interested in creating anagram pen names for some of your work, I just found a great site that will give you instant anagrams for your name. They aren't necessarily names, but they are good starting points. It actually told me that there weren't any for mine at first. But um, I beg to differ- I did find a lot of high-quality anagrams in an earlier post. After dropping one of the Z's in my name, I did get a few anagrams from the site:

Elder Shh Zip
Held Her Zips
Held Hers Zip
Led Re Shh Zip
Zed Re Shh Lip

Yeah. I'll definitely be using those. I wish better luck to anyone else who tries it.

I may not be posting a lot for the next few weeks. I'm involved in two massive projects, one PR and one Web content. I barely have time to breathe. Ok, I do seem have time to play with the anagram site. And, I may possibly have time to cut my dog's hair so that it looks like a Fu Manchu. Actually, I find that doing other things while thinking about a major project can be extremely helpful for organizing project tasks. Sometimes staring at a blank computer screen is the least constructive thing that you can possibly do.

While driving, I come up with press release ideas. While showering I think of ways to construct specific press kits. For anyone who finds a blank screen to be intimidating, I heartily recommend stepping away and doing other things. You can be working just as hard on a project while you're making your dog look funny as you can with a keyboard under your fingertips. Then, when you step back into the harsh light of the computer screen, you have something to throw at it to keep it from being blank. You win!

More Reasons to Hide

Other than being afraid of utter rejection and being guilty of some off-color content, there are plenty of other reasons to use a pen name for online work. One of the most prevalent that I have noticed is to hide gender. I started out using a first initial to do just that. I've had people read this blog and ask me whether I was male or female. I've been addressed as "man" and "bro" in blog comments and emails. I've also read a review of this blog that mentioned that they weren't sure whether I was a he or she.

I used to think this was a good thing. I figured that if people knew I was a female (I totally am! Surprised?) that they might pay me less or assume that I wasn't well qualified. I used to take pains to not mention anything on my blog or in my bios that revealed gender. A few sites that I wrote for require a picture, but most don't. Lately, I've been letting the gender question slide because I've noticed that most of the high-earning Web writers that I know of are female. So, now I'm out.

A lot of people are still using an initial or pen name for this reason, though. I had a funny incident occur about a year ago that had to do with this practice. A long-term client knew me as my initialed name, and I knew the client as an initialed name. One day the client wanted my name and info for tax purposes. The client was surprised that I was female, and I explained that I used the initial to hide gender so that I wouldn't face pay discrimination. The client then revealed that she was female and used an initial to keep from being thought of as an amateur. Well, I thought it was funny.

So, is it necessary to do this if you are female? Yes and no. I think that if you're presenting yourself relatively professionally and you do have some skill, I don't think that the discrimination is as wide spread as we expect it to be. But, there are some cases where revealing the name and some personal information is just not helpful. I see a lot of "mommy writers" that go on about their children and mommy status. Nothing screams professional like allowing people to imagine you breastfeeding.

While I have nothing against mommies, it's best to mostly keep it to yourself if your objective online is to make money. There is a definite pay discrimination against those who are seen as mommy writers or mommy bloggers. There are ebooks that circulate among Internet marketers that specifically tell them to target mothers for low-paid work because they aren't professionals. One popular Internet marketing ebook says that moms are just online to earn a few dollars to buy ice cream for their kids. It suggests offering them $3 per article.

To avoid this, well, just avoid it. Personally, I try not to write about parenting topics. Trust me- there are other things that you know about and can write about. If you take on a parenting blog or get hired for parenting articles, I suggest using a pen name for them unless you want that to be your niche. Keep your parenting status off your bio- stick to your skills. You might have more kids than the Duggars and live in a huge Manolo, but play it down it if you want to be taken seriously. Play up your strengths, write about diverse topics and practice your skills. This will get you a lot further than taking easy articles about potty training.

Writing With a Pen Name

A lot of people wonder why anyone would want to use a pen name for any of their writings. Those people are freaks. What? No, they are just hideously misguided. There are a lot of reasons to go into writing, but fame just isn’t one of them. There are very few writers, and virtually no Web writers, who actually become famous for their work- even if the work itself is well known.

If you write online for money, a lot of what you do is probably not going to be what you want to be remembered for or what you want your clients to see that you’ve done. Some of it is just grunt marketing work, some of it is dull SEO work and some of it may be personal items that you just don’t want other people to know that you wrote. A lot of the time, it’s because you just get roped into writing weird things that you don’t necessarily need to have your name on.

There are also the generic privacy concerns that everyone online has that weirdos will hunt you down for your pelts in order to sell them at the local general store. Or burglary. Whichever. With a pen name, that’s pretty tough to accomplish unless you link that work to work with your name on it, which I accidently do every once in awhile.

To get Web writing gigs, you should have some items in your name, though it isn't absolutely necessary. If you use the same pen name on several sites and have a few good pieces to showcase to clients, you're fine. If you have showcase items online and you want a little veil of privacy for other things, it's nice to have a comfortable pen name on hand.

Most of my pen names are either Beaker or some dirivitive of that. I've been doing that for years, so pretty much anytime you see something written by someone named Beaker, Beakerwriter, etc., its probably me except for when the item is lame. That's someone else.

The other day I was listening to the Doors and heard the Mr. Mojo Risin' refrain. If you aren't a Doors fan (shock, horror!), that's an anagram of the name Jim Morrison. It occurred to me that I really should have created an anagram of my name instead of naming myself after an abused muppet. Hindsight. Here are a few anagrams of my name that I came up with:

Zil Zepshred

Hil Zezherdsh

Zerhi Dlepshz

Lesh Pidherzz

Shirez Pelhdz

Sherl Phizzed

As you can see, I quickly realized during the scrambling process that my name is both stupid and has far too few vowels.

New Blog!

I started a new blog last week, mainly because I had a really boring project and anything else in the world sounded interesting. It's all about eHow, how to write for it, how to come up with ideas for it, how much you can expect to make when writing for it, etc. Anyone who reads this blog might have noticed that I've talked a lot about residuals over the last two months or so, and I may be getting fairly obsessed with it, actually.

That's because I've started doing fairly well with it, and I decided earlier in the summer to make a real effort to increase that portion of my income. I'm tired of working all of the $@&! time. I really am. I love my work, and I don't really care to do anything at all other than read and write, but I want a choice. I want to be able to take a project or not take it, knowing that I have money coming in anyway, even if I turn down some work that month. I want to be able to take a week off here and there to do other things.

I've also started to realize how much I miss writing fiction. I have someone who wants me to edit some fiction for them, and that kind of smacked me in the face. Here's actual fiction, the thing that I have always wanted to do for a living, and I can't remember the last time I really sat down and worked on any of it. If I had more residuals coming in, I would have time to actually put some of that weirdness on paper. Imagine that. Do I want to write 10 article about hemorrhoids? No, I think I'll pass. I'm working on my novel and not starving. That's what my world may someday become.

Twitter Is Watching

I have been avoiding Twitter at all costs. I hide behind large objects, stay out of open meadows and try to stay in crowded public places, but Twitter is coming for me. I can feel it. There's virtually no escaping Twitter right now, and it knows when you aren't a member. It does everything in its power to make you join. It is touted as a great marketing ploy to those of us who must market ourselves. It's a great way to keep in touch with friends for the ear-stuck-to-the-cell-phone crowd. And now, The Man is out there, tweeting away to pull in those of us who haven't yet joined.

That's low, Twitter.

How much longer can I resist joining Twitter and wasting more of my day in useless Internet tasks? How much longer can any of us resist? I thought YouTube and Pac-man were bad. Now I can get up-to-date messages from Kirk himself? No! I will resist. I will not be assimilated. I can only hope that Wil Wheaton doesn't tweet. That may eat away at the very last of my resolve for good. No, Wil Wheaton! Resist!